THE SLEEP DIARIES: EDITION TWO

WITH LINDSAY PARFITT, FOUNDER OF CALM BIRTH

In this month’s edition of the sleep diaries, I have the pleasure of introducing you to Lindsay Parfitt, the brilliant mind behind Calm Birth, Hong Kong. Lindsay is a true source of inspiration, dedicated to empowering women as they prepare for one of the most significant moments in their lives. As a hypnobirthing expert, she skilfully guides women through their unique birthing journey with a calm and positive approach.

Join me for this amazing interview where we delve into Lindsay's world, her life in Hong Kong, her wonderful family, and the incredible story behind Calm Birth.

Please tell me more about Calm birth, how it started and who can benefit from the wonderful work that you do!

I originally started in the wellness industry as a yoga instructor. I signed up for Mindful Birth Pre and Post natal yoga teacher training early in my yoga career. At the time I was focused on expanding my knowledge for clients. I had no idea the skills I learned would be so valuable to me, and alter my career path as well.

When I started trying to get pregnant, I experienced challenges with fertility and pregnancy loss. It’s not easy to go through, and I found that using techniques from Mindful Birth were a saving grace for me. Later on I had a successful pregnancy with my daughter and discovered Hypnobirthing. It was so aligned with Mindful Birth, and went even deeper into the science of birth and hormones.

Using it for my own birth, I knew it was something I wanted to share with others. Having this knowledge and feeling empowered about the process of birth felt like something every parent should have access to.

Anyone can benefit from Calm Birth. I do classes for first time parents and refresher classes for experienced parents. It’s a myth that Hypnobirthing is only for drug-free, intervention free births. It is really for any one who wants to feel a part of the birth process and aim to cope with any possible birth path as positively as possible. I guide students through preparation for c-section, with or without epidural, induction, as well as those aiming for intervention-free births.

Can you tell us a little about yourself, and your family?

I was born and raised in Canada, but met my husband in a bar in Amsterdam, and not long after, took a leap of faith and moved to be with him there. We later moved to Hong Kong and almost 12 (!!) years later, we are still here and loving this bustling, vibrant city.

We have a nearly 5-year-old rainbow baby, and a fluffy dog child called Cyril.

I am also currently doing my Masters in Social Sciences in Counselling. Working so closely with families in pregnancy and birth has shown me how necessary support is during that time, and I want to have even more to offer my clients beyond birth. 

Balancing business and family life can be tough. Could you share some strategies you use to manage this juggle effectively?

It certainly is tough, especially adding my studies on top of all of that. I am incredibly lucky to have an incredible domestic helper, whom without I wouldn’t be able to work. Being far away from family and without a daycare system in Hong Kong means that we need that essential support.

I also have a wonderful husband and we communicate frequently about who is doing what. We have different roles in the house, he cooks more for example, and I manage school stuff. Dividing it up takes the pressure off trying to do it all!

I also make lists and keep a calendar with everyone’s schedule on the wall. As simple as it sounds, a list helps clear my mind and lets me focus on what’s a priority. I have realised I don’t need to get everything done straight away. It helps me to set a date next to the task, and do it as needed

What are your parenting styles and beliefs?

I think you would describe my parenting style as positive or gentle parenting. Though that might get some eye rolls, it’s not all about being happy and calm all the time. I absolutely love Dr Becky Kennedy and have learned a lot of parenting tips form her. She is all about creating boundaries with your kids (all feelings are allowed,but some behaviours are not, for example.), and it’s also trying work out why your kid is doing something. A tantrum might be showing you something else is going on for them. Dr Becky also talks about how we, as parents, are not perfect., We lose our cool too, and that’s ok. She teaches repair with our kids and working on our own self-regulation. Two things I didn’t learn as a kid, but both are helping me now as a parent myself.

How does sleep operate in your home, what are your boundaries with it, and how have you overcome any challenges related to sleep?

Well I was clever enough to hire Jade very early on! I think learning lots about sleep, having someone to guide you if you’re unsure is incredibly helpful. I made sure the room environment was good, that my daughter learned to self settle, and we were consistent with naps and bedtime routine. We still have a great bedtime routine, and although she’s always been an early riser, she sleeps very well at night.

It wasn’t always like this, there were bumps in the road where multiple wakings had me shattered, but by working with Jade we corrected some of the issues and it’s been sweet dreams ever since.

What are some strategies or routines that have worked well for you and your child when it comes to ensuring a good night's sleep?

 Consistency for sleep has really been the best thing for us. As tricky as it can be in those early years, having most naps at home was really helpful. And a lovely, cosy dark room! We still travel with blackout blinds!

"What's your ultimate parenting hack, tool, or tip that you'd love to share with other moms to make their lives a bit easier?"

When my daughter is struggling with big feelings, usually at the end of the day, I try and do something silly to change the mood. If she refuses to put her pyjamas on, I will close my eyes and pretend I don’t know where she is, or how to dress her, then dress her with my eyes closed. She thinks it’s hilarious, and she gets dressed!

What do you do for self care?

I tend to do little things for myself, especially as my schedule is quite full at the moment. I always light a candle when I am working. I use a nice roll on essential oil before I start studying, or even just curl up on the sofa with my husband to watch something. I’ve noticed as well that on the days I have five minutes to myself or time to have lunch with a friend, I am much happier at the end of the day.

Tell me about your life in Hong Kong. What do you love the most about it, how do you spend your free time and do you have any hidden gems to share?

Hong Kong is quite a special place to us. I love that we created a life here for ourselves. We both own our own businesses, which I feel is something that Hong Kong is better setup for than other countries. We also started our family here and have an amazing network of friends that have become like family. The Covid years were very tough and strict in Hong Kong, and many friends moved away. As hard as it was, we are happy to still be here and call it home.

I had a friend just visit here, and she remarked on what a great lifestyle we have here. In my spare time I love hiking with our dog and exploring with the family. Not so much a hidden gem, but the newly revamped water front in Wan Chai is the perfect Sunday sundowner stroll. Lots of art and play areas for the kids, as well as being dog friendly.

Finally, what is your most favorite part of the day?

I absolutely love sunset. My daughter often has a little energy surge at that time, so we dance it out, then start getting ready for our bedtime routine. I like to close all the curtains and create a nice, chill vibe. We snuggle up for stories and if I am lucky I get a cuddle. We always chat and do “High, low and buffalo”, where we say the high of our day, the low, and the buffalo (which can be anything you want to share). This age brings out all sorts of funny and cute things. Parenting definitely has it’s challenges, but I also cherish this sweet little moments that I’ll miss when she’s older!

Lindsay, I can't thank you enough for our insightful conversation. I love that I had the pleasure of working with you when your little baby was so young to help you on your sleeping journey! It’s great to see all of those foundations are still in place and you are all thriving! What a fascinating journey for Calm birth. I love the work that you do and the support you offer women as they approach a huge moment in their life! If anyone is considering

I adore the silly games you play at bed time to ease any moments of frustration! What a lucky girl she is and I will be taking this away as a reminder to ease situations with connection and lightness! Thank you for sharing.